Enigmatic

 An enigma is a puzzle that can't be figured out.  It is often referred to as a person who doesn't check all the boxes.  I am an enigma to others, but I actually understand myself very well.  And I know where it comes from.  The Church is often referred to in the feminine form, so I saw those associated with churches as perhaps more on the feminine side of life.  It's the women who often keep churches alive.  A good pastor almost always has better social relationships with the women than he does with the men.

Men comprise boards of leadership, but women are the nuts and bolts that hold it all together.  This is my background.  While in ministry I lost the vision I had for church work.  Reality set in.  I had a lot of counseling after my ordination, but I decided to just chuck it all with a very simple theology.  In fact, it's so simple a fout year old can understand it.  

There are men who are NOT gay that prefer the company of women, but it's probably because we grew up in the context of the Church, which is a feminine organization, but we are rare.  There are men who prefer the company of women than men, but I would say such men grew up with the power of the feminine mystique and just understand women better than they do men.  But such men are hardly ever gay, because gay men would rather be around men.  

Maybe gay men have women friends because they share similar frustrations with men, but the fact is I'm not gay, but in fact I love women more than I love men.  And in this regard I am different.  I am an enigma.  I love to be around women without being gay.  But I say the Church contributed greatly to the way I am.  I am incredibly rare.  In fact I am very rare in so many ways that I am an enigma.  I have been told so.

But I wear my enigmatic personality like a coat of honor, because I AM so different.  I could say I was born an enigma.  And simply grew into more of one.  But instead of my being depressed about being what I am I accept it and even embrace it.  I am comfortable in my own skin.  But it took years to feel this way and sometimes I've wished to be different, but I AM different.  Maybe this is why I smoke a pipe.  It was a different thing to do in my college years, because I knew no one that smoked a pipe.

I can't say my life is the best way to raise a family, but we managed.  And I never gave up my pipe.  I lived with a lot of stress in my life, but these days I relax with a pipe.  I made it this far and will make to the end of the old world.  I am an enigma and my pipe is part of it.  People like myself often don't smoke a pipe, but turn to other life destroying substances.  I'll be fine.  Today I am smoking my Nording Angel pipe with some Tropical Export.  Thank you for your time and Peace to each one of you.

Dave