I Just Can't Unsee It

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 My wife says I seem to be obsessed with a red Speedo.  I have to admit we haven't spent much time at the beaches here in Florida.  I just have this image of old guys with these huge beer bellies wearing red Speedos on the beach.  But where does this image come from?  It's like once seen I just can't unsee it.  And it's a gross image.  It's like a car wreck.  Once seen it's not unseen.  A lot of things in life are like that.  And maybe secretly, I want to be that old guy on the beach in a red Speedo.  But why?

I have no idea.  I think it was last year when visiting Del Ray Beach.  There I was without a tan in my basketball style swim trunks and there was some overweight old guy lounging in a beach chair wearing what else?  A red Speedo.  All I can say is that he looked rather grotesque, but he was tan.  All I remember is that he looked at me and I knew what he was thinking:  Tourist.  

We live here now and it seems no one wants to go to a beach that locals frequent and look like a tourist.  But even still, I have a basketball shorts tan with the t-shirt tan to go with it.  My thinking is that I want the guy's tan with the Speedo tan to go with it.  And this time of year, Santa is thinking the same thing.  He's thinking he can't wait til Christmas is over and he can hit the beach in his red Speedo.  He wants no one to see him until he can work on his tan.

I feel the same way.  I want to work on a tan before we go to the beach.  And I don't want a basketball shorts tan, but a Speedo tan.  But according to my wife, it won't happen.   I just seem to have this image of Santa on New Year's Day lounging on the beach in a red Speedo, but where this image comes from I just have no idea.  But images of overweight old men on the beach wearing a Speedo just must come from either seeing them or at least hearing about the reputation of old guys down here.

Okay, so maybe I didn't have to write about Santa in a red Speedo lounging on the beach, but I can't get rid of the image.  Maybe I just want to be an old guy on the beach.  And no, I've been perfectly comfortable in my basketball style swim trunks.  Maybe it's just some fantasy I have being an old guy.  I have yet to go to the beach since moving here.  I just don't have the stomach for a red Speedo.  

My swim trunks are stylish enough and I never understood why old fat guys wear Speedos. It's just once seen, or imagined, it just can't be unseen or unimagined.  Just like a train wreck.  But today I'm fully clothed sitting on our lanai thinking just being Santa would be fun; Speedo or no Speedo.  I can see myself on a secluded beach smoking my pipe with no around to bother or to be bothered by.  Today I am smoking my new Peterson Churchwarden pipe with my Christmas Spice tobacco listening to Chrisrmas music with images of Santa in a red Speedo sitting on a beach, but don't ask me why.  I just can't unsee it.  Now, just maybe, you cant either.  Thank you for your time and Peace to each one of you.

Dave

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