What WOULD Santa Smoke?

 I was thinking about the poem The Night Before Christmas.  Just because Santa smokes a pipe doesn't mean tobacco with nicotine is in his pipe.  I gave some thought to this the other day when I said someone rewrote the poem and removed Santa's pipe.  They didn't get rid of his red suit, his long beard, his rowdy animals, his breaking into homes, or the fact he steals cookies, leaves lumps of coal, and above all else, his a rotund belly.  Who says Santa even smokes pipe tobacco?

A few years back, I came across a Forbes article about Santa's wealth.  First of all, Santa gives away more than anyone in the world gives away.  But it seems he keeps enough for his investments to grow year after year.  So, this gets me to the pipe Santa would smoke.  Santa can afford any and all the Dunhill pipes he would want to own.  However every year he buys one pipe:  A long clay pipe to last him for a year.

That's it.  And when Christmas is over, he disposes of it and gets a new clay pipe for the next year.  But the question most anyone would ask is what he puts into it.  It has changed over the years, but while some might think he puts cannibis in his pipe, he smokes only herbs for the flavoring.  The herbs for smoking has changed over the years.

One year the elves played a trick on Santa and replaced his herbs for smoking with cannabis.  No one knows where the elves got the cannabis, but word has it one of the elves got it on the street.  But how an elf would do this no one knows.  The elves are very secretive you know, and it's just their secret.  But Santa got wind of it and replacing the cannabis with smoking herbs delayed him, but only slightly.  

Santa has been ordering from Amazon in recent years and I understand he ordered a lot of the herbs for smoking called Peace O' Mind, which has Chamomile in it, which he thinks will help the kids stay asleep when he arrives.  There is no way Santa would smoke tobacco or anything else for that matter.  The herbs have enough in them to still make a wreath of smoke around his head.  

So, in case you were wondering what tobacco Santa smokes, he doesn't.  Santa would smoke nothing but an herb for smoking.  Peace O' Mind seems like a pretty good mixture.  What else would it be?  But this morning I'm smoking tobacco.  Never mind that fru-fru stuff Santa smokes.  I'm smoking some Christmas Spice and enjoying it very much.  And my pipe?  It could only be my Peterson Sherlock Holmes pipe today, because I had to do a lot of sleuthing for this post tofay! Thank you for your time and Peace to each one of you.

Dave