The Worst Thing

 I’ve taken the MMPI so many times I have it practically memorized.  But not sure it’s still being used much any longer.  It is a personality inventory used by mental health professionals.  But one of the questions is whether or not anyone understands me.  I have never been able to say no one understands me.  I think I am and have been very well understood as a person.  That is a question about how alone one feels in the world.  

As to whether or not God and angels are entities of understanding I have never had a problem with God.  All my life it has always been about people, but never about God.  I grew up being apart from extended family as the church was supposed to be family.  I think that is why I went into ministry in the first place.  No matter where I was I was around ‘family.”  

That is okay if accepted, but I never felt accepted.  I was always an outlier.  I think that is why in my later years we are living with my son, but my wife wants our own place, but she doesn’t want to own.  That might require moving from place to place, but I’d be content staying put for a while.  

But at least I have never been able to say no one understands me.  I felt God always understood me and I had my own understanding about God.  I never doubted His existence, which is why I gravitated toward Atheists.  I always wanted to know why they believed there was no God.  I have always had a curiosity and fascination with Atheists.  And I still do.  

I’m a firm believer in the Divine and Spirit Guides and I always have been.  What I always doubted was people and in some ways I still do.  People are judgmental and inconsistent.  But I know God is not.  Many people think they judge for God.  But I never believed they did.  They judged for themselves.  I still believe this.  But if I say God only cares about Human Life then that is my belief.  But I am of no value locked up behind bars, so being a lawful citizen is important to me.  

I’ve shunned alcohol and drugs for this very reason.  It is a goal of mine to always be lawfully minded.  But what matters is character and not reputation.  I’ve worked hard at being a good husband and father.  But I’ve never been able to say no one understands me.  And for that I am thankful.  I have a very understanding family and always have.  I’ve never felt alone in the world.  

I seek being alone, but only because I burned out on people in my teen years and never felt I belonged.  But after my experience with the Divine I learned I belonged where I was needed to be.  And that is just as true today.  I need to be wherever I am at any given time.  

People who feel they are not understood lash out or act out.  I want every member of my family to feel they are understood.  That requires me not to be judgmental but to listen.  Listening requires being alone a lot.  But while I am alone a lot I am comfortable being by myself.  I will often smoke my pipe and get lost in thought.  My thoughts aren’t for the world,  but for people who then are the world changers.  I focus on people.  I could say my thoughts are  prayers.

I do this while smoking my pipe and often listening to quiet music.  I know when my mind is quiet  to let the Spirit speak and I listen.  This morning it is my Rosedale pipe with Good Stuff Menthol tobacco.  I thought my wife would like the minty aroma of this tobacco.  My coffee is Manatee coffee. Thank you for your time and Peace to each one of you.

Dave