How to do It

I was asked by my brother as to the success of fifty years of marriage.  What is the secret?  I jokingly said you both have to live long enough.  But it all comes down to caring for and about each other.  I suppose there are no secrets.  We agreed long ago to never go to bed angry with each other.  But it’s not just one thing but many.  Having a short memory helps.  Forgiveness is a key.

But to say it’s just one thing wouldn’t be true.  It’s many things.  I wish life were simple.  But it isn’t.  You go through the complexities together.  It’s the two of us against the world.  Fifty years of marriage requires many things.  But I might say the big thing is determination.  We didn’t let any one thing come between us.  We simply knew we were meant to be together and didn’t let anything separate us.  

But how do you do this?  Love?  Partly.  You have to like the other person.  It starts with friendship and it will end with friendship.  After 50 years I can still say something to make her laugh.  And making friendship last simply takes determination.  In the end you both care about each other.  We just didn’t stop caring.  We cared enough for each other and the kids.   

That is the secret.  We simply cared for each other and still do—maybe more now that we are both older.  No one might respect you at some point in your life.  But there is that one person who does if not for no other reason than maybe you are all they have.  It’s not always like this but there is that one person you can always count on.  

For us, it just worked.  We made it so.  I don’t think there’s one secret, but is many little secrets.  It’s many things but it all comes down to one phrase:  Because you care.  It matters.  I mattered to her and she mattered to me.  Are we soulmates?  Maybe not as soulmates might be because in some ways we are very different from each other.  But those differences made us interesting to each other.  She finds my life interesting as I find hers interesting.

We never lost the interest in each other.  And together we are both interesting.  We still share things we never knew about each other.  We grew up apart until college.  We never lost interest in each other and I think that is key.  She doesn’t share my pipes as an interest, but she finds my smoking a pipe interesting.  Maybe more out of curiosity for herself.  Her work was always more interesting than mine.  My pipe this morning is my Nording Number 3 and my tobacco is Constellation.  My coffee this morning is Blue Bottle coffee.  Thank you for your time and Peace to each one of you.

Dave